chased.by.the.mamarazzi

Well it's official. I'm in my forties...

2011-11-02T22:10:00.000-07:00

Good gravy, how the heck did this happen? Me...old! I had yet another birthday last month. Forty-one seems old and is the ultimate gray area. Like Louis CK said, "When you're forty, no one gives you credit for anything anymore. 'Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do, asshole. Just do your job.' And you're too young for anyone to say, hey, I helped a forty-one year old across the street." But the plus side is--as I've been told by my husband and affirmed by the people who literally take a step back and show me their molars when I tell them my age--apparently I don't look old. I've said it once and I'll say it again. "Black don't crack but beige don't age." Woot.

Testing, One, Two, Three...

2011-10-08T03:04:00.000-07:00

Can anybody hear me?

Yes, I know. I'm a slacker. I'm sorry. Not that I think you've been sitting in front of your computer waiting for me to update again. I know we're all busy and have lives to live. It's just that mine prevents me from blogging. So sorry. Here's a new update on us.

John and I are good. The boys are good. The dog is hanging in there, although it appears he either had a stroke or his laziness has spread to the left side of his face. He still plays with the boys, goes nuts trying to lick his own Items Which Should Not Be Licked, and eats fine..it's just this weird winking thing. At least he's not drooling anymore.

As for me personally, I am a card-carrying member of the PTA, volunteer yearbook staff for Sean's elementary school, a den leader for Sean's cub scout pack and have started a cake business! Where do I find the time to do all that and still harrass the boys to finish their homework AND chide John for not taking the wireless earpiece out of his ear when he says, "What did you say?" Easy. I just neglect my blog.

Anyway, no more promises with this thing. Let's just take things slow and see how things develop. I won't promise to call, I make no promises about the future...there's no promise ring with a diamond chip in it with my blog address engraved on the inside for you to wear and show off to all your jealous girlfriends. Let's just keep this casual. In the meantime, you can see other blogs. It's okay. I'm seeing other ones too. ;)

Longest Potty Break Ever.

2011-04-23T22:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, the length of time that's passed since my last entry has been so long its embarrassing so let's just say I went to the bathroom for a minute and now I'm back.

So...what'd I miss? :)

Let's see. The boys are older, taller, smarter and now sarcastic. I am older, shorter, and frazzled. But we do have the sarcastic thing in common so there's common ground there.

Sean is now a cub scout! He's doing really well, loves earning the belt loops and pins. He plays little league and is almost done with first grade!

Jack is four now and in preschool. He's very smart. Almost too smart. I'll explain later.

Tomorrow is Easter. We don't do the whole bloody nail through the hand thing. We just do the cute bunny visit and colored egg thing. No major plans as of yet. If we come up with any I promise you'll be the fifth to know. Night for now. Time to get these Easter baskets filled and set out!

Time Flies...

2009-02-06T16:01:00.000-08:00

My goodness its been a while since I've updated here! Sorry 'bout that. Life, ya know.

Well, first of all, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Years (both American and Chinese.) Its official: Its 2009! Welcome to it.

So much has happened since I last updated. First of all, let's get the political stuff out of the way. Obama's now the president and about three of his nominees have had to back out because of their failure to pay taxes. No wonder the dems want to raise taxes..they won't pay them anyway. (That joke wasn't mine, it was Leno's, btw. So send all your "anonymous" hate mail to him.)

We also had a lovely Thanksgiving at home, complete with dead bird and cranberry sauce properly butter-knifed loose from its can to retain its cylindrical shape. The sad thing was that both John and I got food poisoning the night before and we couldn't eat much on Thanksgiving. Don't worry though...we made up for it the next day.

Santa also paid a visit to the boys again in 2008. I think he must have been on a sugar high from all the cookies left out for him because he was way too generous with the gifts. Half of them are broken of course...for some reason, all the ones with loud, obnoxious beeps and music. Weird how that happens, eh?

And for our fifth anniversary, John and I tied the knot again! This time sans porn actresses and the drive-thru wedding chapel. We did it in beautiful Hawaii, me with a white (shut up!) wedding dress and John looking dapper as ever. It was a lovely traditional Hawaiian ceremony, complete with words we didn't understand. Seriously though, it was really amazing. Heck, even our cake was amazing!

I'll elaborate more later on everything. Including all about Jack's 2nd birthday! I just wanted to bring everyone up to speed on things so far. Thanks for reading and stay tuned. You've experienced the longest hiatus this place will ever have. Take that as a threat. :)

Gotta love the Onion...

2008-11-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

Check out this video: Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To See How Empty Lives Are

How about a Poehler/Palin ticket?

2008-10-22T00:33:00.001-07:00

Seriously, this was the best rap song I've ever heard! And I normally despise rap.

For God Sakes, Go Change Your Underwear!

2008-10-01T15:29:00.001-07:00

For the love of lurline, I would really love to know why people are voting for Barack Obama. No, seriously. I have--at least at this writing--some friends who say they are voting for the guy. But as of yet none of them can give me an actual reason why. Well, besides, change, hope, and all the other catch-phrases he's trademarked in the last year. If this is you, PLEASE tell me why you are voting for this man. I would seriously like to know the specifics.

If its solely for "change" well, then la-dee-dah, you're in luck! Change is a comin'...since neither Bush or Cheney can throw their hats into the ring chances are, come January you will have someone new in the White House. If you think its change solely because "well, he's a democrat and Bush is a republican and I don't want another republican like Bush" then you're just a moron and clearly haven't done your homework. If you can't name a reason without using the words "change" or "hope" then I am pleading with you. Do a little research online and find out just how much Obama *is* more of the same. Same hand-in-pocket, scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, golden rule politics that we've seen played out over and over.

"It would be so cool seeing a black guy as president!" Actually, I kinda agree with this statement. Not as an argument, but just a fact. It would be "cool." But geez, please someone who we could actually trust in time of crisis, someone who doesn't have his hand in the cookie jar so far down he can't even see his Cartier cufflinks. Someone who doesn't give me the freaking willies. And please, not the Stuttering Moron I saw during the debate last Friday.

Sidenote: I was in a room full of Democrat and Republican women while watching the debate and we all were offended when, after McCain gave a very heartfelt story of how he was asked by a fallen soldier's mother to wear his bracelet bearing his name, Obama says, "Yeah, I have a bracelet too." The immediate disgust in the room at his flippant attitude was palpable.

If you want real change then consider this: John McCain is actually NOT George W. Bush reincarnate. He's challenged both democrats AND republicans to get things resolved, he's the only candidate who saw this housing crisis coming since the early 2000s and tried to do something about it. He wanted reform to make Fannie Mae stop making bad loans to people who couldn't afford it. But it was blocked by the democrats. Why? Well, you really must view this link in its entirety. Admittedly, the rhetoric that comes with it is biased, but the facts that are enclosed within are entirely accurate: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3092189796090980338&vt=lf&hl=en

I know what Obama supporters are running from. Another moron in a suit acting like a buffoon. NO ONE wants that again. But do they know what they are running toward?

There is also a video on youtube about Obama being the only person who voted against medical care for babies born alive who survived abortions. See it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYRpIf2F9NA

If after seeing these videos, especially the last one if you're a mother, and you still want to vote for Obama because of the word "change", then for fuck sakes change your underwear. Change the music on your CD. Change your hair color. Just don't elect this guy because you want "something different." Do your homework and find out what that "something" is.

Lil Stinker Turns Four

2008-08-23T19:34:00.001-07:00

Well its happening and there's nothing I can do about it. Sean's getting older. We had his birthday party last weekend at Chuck E. Cheese in Foothill Ranch. All his little friends showed up, he ate too much cake, ran around like a chicken and had a blast. And we had a great time too...we passed out at 7:30 that night.

Here are all the SoCal kiddos together:

Actually there are more but the younger siblings aren't in the picture! Sean had a Hot Wheels theme, here's a picture of his cake:

Thanks to all our friends and family who made it--and the ones who couldn't but still sent Sean a little something in the mail--thank you cards are going out shortly so don't think we/he's forgotten.

I just cannot believe my first born little baby is four years old! It seems like just yesterday we were in John's old sedan driving our new baby home from the hospital. He slept the whole way home keeping his tiny green Soothie in his mouth which looked huge compared to the size of his face. We got him home, went upstairs and watched Finding Nemo and cried. He was here! Now four years later he's going to pre-kindergarten, does Taekwondo twice a week, has memorized countless books, swordfights with his little brother (and gives him the spontaneous hug and kiss every now and again) and loves life. We couldn't be happier to see so many changes and independence in our little Sean...although it is bittersweet...we can remember when he needed us for every little thing. Now he needs us a little less every day. His favorite phrase is "I can do it all by myself!" And that's a good thing..I guess that means we're doing our job right. He's becoming a little man one day at a time. Its just amazing how fast days go by in our house.

Anyway...Happy Birthday Seany. We both love you very much! Just don't be in too much of a hurry to grow up!

Fly Me To The Moon Movie Premiere!

2008-08-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

We finally got invited to another World Premiere and, though I am a little under the weather, I didn't want us to miss out. So we headed to the Directors Guild of America in Hollywood to see Fly Me To The Moon, first first animated movie made for 3D.

Before the movie started, we were able to do a little stargazing. Stars of the movie like Tim Curry and Adrienne Barbeau arrived and that was pretty cool. Then they said the movie was going to start so we started shuffling in. They handed us the 3D glasses and told us to get ready for the new technology. How exciting! Well the movie was fantastic! It wasn't just blue or red but in FULL COLOR! John said it was easy to forget it was animated because you are just so pulled into the story so quickly. Sean loved it and was riveted to his seat the entire time. Jack not so much. About two-thirds into it, he got squirmy so I had to take him to the lobby to let him run around. He started playing with this other kid there, who turned out to be Kristy Swanson's kid Magnus. She was there with her fiance Lloyd Eisler. She asked me how old Jack was and we talked a bit like regular moms. I didn't want to ask her for a photo because I know some people have a fit about their kids being in pictures. So I pretended I didn't know who she was and she pretended not to notice I was a dork.

After the movie ended, they transformed the lobby into a reception area with snacks and drinks and a chance for the people in the movie to socialize. This is when we got to meet Nicolette Sheridan and Buzz Aldrin!Ha ha, look at Jack's face in this picture! He's not too impressed.

With Buzz Aldrin!!!Here is Sean with Buzz Aldrin. He's not too impressed either, he was coming off his sugar rush! But we did tell him he got to meet the Original Buzz Lightyear. He might get it in a few years.

But John and I were both very impressed with meeting Buzz. To shake the hand of one of the few people who have walked on the face of the moon? There are stars and then there are stars!!!

Whole Lotta Shaking Going On

2008-07-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

I am guessing you heard we here in Southern California experienced a pretty strong-ish earthquake yesterday. A 5.4 magnitude. Not terribly scary but not the same "I'll-just-sleep-through-it" mild tremor either.

Just wanted to reassure our friends and family across the U.S. that we are absolutely okay and doing fine. The epicenter wasn't that far away from here so we felt it pretty strongly. The boys and I were home alone and I gathered them together and stood under a doorway. Afterward, I sat Sean down and explained what it was and what he should do in case it happens again, especially when he's at school. He looked very concerned and said, "Mommy, you saved me!" And he stayed right close to me for a good hour after that. What can I say, he's adorable.

So now the USGS people like Kate Hutton are warning that there is a stronger one coming that they've been calling The Big One for years. Trouble is the San Andreas Fault travels pretty much right under our feet and I think we need to move pronto. I wouldn't care if it were Santa Monica or Seattle, we just can't wait for The Big One to put a fire under my ass to do it. Some scary stuff, Batman.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes....

2008-07-21T23:35:00.000-07:00

I knew it was inevitable. I just didn't want it to be so soon! My three-year old is now in Pre-Kindergarten AND also does Taekwondo twice a week to boot! He's growing up right before my eyes!

Its good for him though I know. He loves being with other children his age and learning from a teacher, etc. Its just hard leaving him in someone else's care that's not a family member. I don't know how those mothers with day jobs do it! I actually cried the first day. Sean, not so much. He was off with his own "peeps" without even a glance in my direction. "My baby's all grows up!"

He's also loving the Taekwondo class too. He loves putting on the uniform and saying, "Hi-yaaa!" Seriously? I thought that was just from those Bruce Lee movies. But nope, they really say it. Too cute. There's a video of his very first day under My YouTube Videos on the right side of this page. With all this growth going on I am holding Jack tight to me. Somebody tell him not to grow up too fast!

Somebody's FABULOUS!!!

2008-07-10T21:58:00.000-07:00

Let's just hope our Sean's future turns out a little differently.Yikes.

A Ten-Minute, Two Dollar Cup of Milk?

2008-07-08T17:23:00.000-07:00

I took the boys to the mall today, to get out of the house and to return this god-awful handbag I bought under duress because the store was closing. After running my errand I decided to treat the kids and myself to lunch at Quiznos. We ended up sitting quite close to Starbucks, or MegaBucks as John likes to call it.

Anyway, at some point Jack runs out of milk and since my well is dry I decided to get a cup from Miss Brainiac #1 at Starbucks. I knew it would be costly but it was close and I really didn't want to pack up everything to get it cheaper at Tito's Taco Shack. I think that's what its called. So Miss Brainiac #1 asks me if I want it with ice. Ice? Uh no thanks, my kid doesn't take his moo juice on the rocks. $2.14 later I am waiting for my cup of milk at the Pick Up end of the Money machine. And I am waiting. And waiting. There wasn't a line or anything but Brainiac #2 is hard at work behind her big machines and such. Boy all this for a cup of milk? I ask her if I can have it since my youngest is going into conniption fits waiting. She says she's working on it and I see a very dark liquid inside the plastic cup.

"Hey, I just wanted milk."

"Oh sorry, I just put espresso in it!"

Yeah, that's what an already hyper 1 1/2 year old needs. So she pours it out and starts again. And again I am waiting far too long for "just milk." I look over and its dark AGAIN! What the heck?

"Oh, I thought you wanted chocolate milk!"

I end up showing her my receipt, but not in the "here's the information you missed" way, more in the "can't you effing read?" way. Yes, I was a tad bitchy at that point. She pours the second attempt out and puts her hands up, in the "don't shoot me" way.

"Okay, third time's a charm! Did you want it with ice?"

No, Brainiac #2, I think you're a tad too late to ensure Wow Service now. Just hand it over.

$2 and a half-hour later, my baby's appeased. He takes a drink and throws the cup on the floor. Hmm. Maybe he did want it on the rocks after all.

Happy Fourth of July Everyone!!!

2008-07-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

Before our family's festivities begin I wanted to come on here and wish all of our friends and family, both near and far, a very wonderful Independence Day! Eat lots, have fun with the people you love, ooh and ahh at fireworks, laugh constantly and never forget what this holiday is really about...celebrating the fact that we live in the Greatest Country in the Entire World! Yay us!!!!

How Californians See America

2008-07-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

This was too funny, thanks Diahn for posting this as a bulletin on MySpace.

Take Off, Eh?

2008-07-01T00:33:00.000-07:00

Happy Canada Day to all my Canadian friends. Have a great day celebrating being America's Hat. Muah!

I Hope Her Hand Cramps Up

2008-07-01T00:19:00.001-07:00

So like a good lemming, I've been entering the Live with Regis and Kelly daily contest. I know, its sad but its just one of those things that a stay-at-home-mom does. After pulling the boys apart keeping them from killing each other and counting to three so many times during the day, Mama needs a little break while they take their naps and she reads her email and enters online contests. Its just part of my day.

According to the rules I am allowed to enter once a day, and I usually do. You also have to watch the show in case they call and ask a trivia question about the show the day before you know what the answer will be. I do this less consistently and always make a mental note to Tivo it, but I still haven't gotten around to that task. But anyway, that's not the point.

This morning the trivia caller was a woman who has won SIX times already, going for her seventh! They asked her how she keeps getting called and she says she sends in about 500 postcards for each contest! 500! I turned the TV off. I am crestfallen and just know they will never call me now...not with my pathetic once-a-day entries. Of course, before I could hit the OFF button she won another goddamned trip. I don't think what she's doing is considered cheating, but it certainly has the same effect to people like me who actually have a life and don't have time to fill out 500 bloody postcards. Ptthh!!!

I Think There Really Is Crack In It

2008-06-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

I just had my very first Pinkberry and I am officially hooked. I stumbled across it at the Los Angeles Farmer's Market while looking for something to eat for lunch. The 12 people waiting in line caught my eye so I decided to give it a try. I ordered the green tea frozen yogurt with strawberries, raspberries and blueberries. No way can this be that good is what I kept thinking. But when I took a bite, I was more like, "Yep, there's gotta be crack in there because that's effing GREAT!" Their website even has a "Groupie Corner" which I found hilarious, albeit necessary.

That's all I had for lunch and had it not been for me meeting my cousin at Wood Ranch I would have eaten dinner there as well. Now since I live 13.26 miles from the nearest location (yup, I looked it up) my tastebuds are so depressed they need to be on Zoloft. Ah well. C'est la vie.

Talent Now Comes In All Forms: Small AND Pretty

2008-06-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

Friday I left the kids with John and went out to The Grove in Los Angeles for Wicked Day in the Park. Stars of the theatrical production Wicked were there--namely Laura Woyasz who plays Glinda and Teal Wicks as Elphaba--singing a few songs. There was also opportunities to drink "Wicked-tinis" and "Ozmopolitans" at the bars, Popular and Age-Defying Gravity manicures given at the Amadeus Spa and some trivia games and an opportunity to meet some of the cast. Yours truly had a very self-indulgent day on her own strolling around, window shopping, enjoying the Wicked soundtrack being piped through the entire outdoor mall and getting hit on by no less than three guys! It was a very good day. I added a video at the right. Check it out!

One thing did strike me though. As I watched Teal and Laura belt out "Because I Knew You." Damn they're talented. And skinny. And pretty. Why does this combo always seem to go together? Okay, yes, you do get the occasional Liza Minelli and John Goodman in the lot but usually its the beautiful people who are blessed with the talent. Plus they seem so nice. Suddenly I can't help it. I feel like a toad.
As amphibious as I may be, I still managed to crack a smile and take a photo with John Rubenstein who plays The Wizard in the production. He's from the old school of acting, he was in the 70s show Family that I actually used to watch. So it was very cool to meet him. I also won a tshirt that I may be able to squeeze into in about 40 pounds. That'll be an exciting day. The label mockingly stated it was a Large but I think that's in Talented sizes. The rest of us have to do the math and figure out what the Beefy T equivalent would be and go from there. I do have to mention I met up with my cousin Wendy for dinner and coffees. That was a great time, we hadn't seen each other in years so it was nice to catch up. She says she's my personal stalker. That was cool. Now I know how Clay Aiken feels. Well, minus the crazy fans and the peaking at mediocrity.

So speaking of Small and Pretty. Between dinner and coffee we stopped by the book signing Chelsea Handler was doing at Barnes and Noble. And much to my personal pleasure she had Chuy with her! She calls him her little nugget and now I know why. They were both very sweet and friendly and Chuy even signed my book as well. I hear she takes him wherever she goes. Like a Vuitton purse. Only this little accessory drives a Toyota Corolla.See? Talent does come in small and pretty. Maybe not inside the same body but as long as they're attached at the hip, it counts. That was my Friday.

Woke Up On The Wrong Side of the Crib

2008-06-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

Jack my youngest woke up with a Dirty Sanchez this morning. Well, not technically, but within minutes of his waking he literally had poop on his upper lip. Apparently he had a really scary dream or a really relaxing one to be able to drop a deuce first thing in the morning without his morning cup of milk. And I guess since it took me a few minutes to get him out of his crib, curiosity got the best of him and he went right in to inspect the goods.

NO, I didn't grab my camera and start shooting pics for the scrapbook. My immediate reaction was "I gotta get this shit off my kid, NOW!" So sorry scat lovers, no proof-in-the-pudding shots here. Just thought this little "nugget" was too funny to keep to myself. You know I like to share my crap with you all as much as I can. Its nice to know the classics still hold up.

Pay No Attention to the Brown Grass...

2008-06-19T01:03:00.000-07:00

Our new playset is finally up. John got it done in a mere two days or so. I can't believe my egghead can be so handy too! Here are a few pics...and yes I know we need to water the grass now. Because right now it looks like the Scarecrow stepped on a landmine:

Sean surveying his new digs.
Feeling and looking cool in 100 degree weather.
Ah...a new place to take the car out for a spin.
If you build it, they will (not) come (back inside.) We do have a shade tent over it right now so we don't all get heat stroke. This whole week its been around 100 degrees outside. Ever see children three and one year old sweat? Real nice. Don't worry though, I'm keeping them hydrated and we are only out there early in the morning...much to the munchkins' chagrin. I can see the next thing I'll have to figure out is how to get two kids who can't swim into the pool at the same time all by myself. But I figure if I can lure two happy boys back inside with the promise of "Playground Lunch!" I can do anything.

Two and a half good movies...A Review

2008-06-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

Oy. In the last two weeks we've seen exactly two and a half good movies. How can you see a half movie? Let me explain.

First, I should say this is going to be my feeble attempt at movie reviewing. This is usually my husband John's strongsuit since he's the one with the background in movie making. But I will give it the old two-year community college try.

Sex and the City, or SATC was the first one I watched. I saw it with my good friend Yvonne and we loved it! It was a great date movie if your husband happens to love chick flicks, fashion and pathos. But if he's not gay, like Yvonne's and mine, then you have to go with a girlfriend. I sincerely hope they make a sequel...its been years since the show on HBO ended but now I remember why it was so hard to say goodbye to those four characters.

Second movie was for the whole family, Kung Fu Panda. Honestly, didn't think I'd like it. I never watched the TV show Kung Fu. Never was a fan and it wasn't because the star wasn't Chinese. I never even watched Bruce Lee movies and not because I'm not a fan of bad dubbing. I am! But...I loved this movie! John and I took the boys and they were both riveted to the screen. Jack ate his weight in popcorn and Sean got up to pee about five times but he loved it! Had it not been for the kid spilling his cookies over the trashcan on the way out, it would have been a perfect day.

Onto the half movie. Last Saturday, John's mom was kind enough to spend the day with the boys and let us out of our cage for an entire day. A date day! We went out, had lunch, went bowling, had dinner and tried to see Baby Mama. Emphasis on tried. We got through half of it, then the movie theatre had a power outtage. So we sat like good lemmings in the dark for a while until some pimply-faced usher came in to tell us we could either get our money back or sit in the dark for a while longer in the slim hope the power would come back on. So in the dark we sat. Heck, why not...its date day! After about 20 minutes or so we gave up and were given a few tickets for another time. But as much as the movie we did see I am guessing we're not really missing anything. We had such high hopes for a good, tight movie from Tina Fey and Amy Poehler but we weren't impressed. There were semi-funny scenes but there was a lot of potential for the funny that just wasn't taken, like scenes that didn't go anywhere or had no payoff. Maybe we'll wait for Netflix to carry this one to see the end of it. Or maybe we won't. Maybe someone out there can tell us if Fey finally gets her baby and that'll be enough for me.

What Exactly Is It Keeping Out?

2008-06-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

I'm getting mad. I've been slathering myself in SPF 50 made for babies and I'm still getting a tan. Wtf? It says it keeps out UVA and UVB rays...but hello, I'm getting browner every day. I'm starting to look more like Diana Ross than Diane Keaton and its pissing the hell out of me. I am already brown, I don't need to add to the equation. So this is making me wonder exactly what the lotion thinks its keeping out? Its true, I am not burning per se, but I can't imagine all this basting is doing me much good either.

I know this is so petty to whine about but I plan on spending more time in the pool this Summer and if I look like this already the second week of June what the hell am I going to look like at the end of August?

Anyway, what else can I whine about. My CD drive on my laptop took a dump so Dell sent me over a replacement. Then Guru, yes, that's the Indian guy's name, was going to help me install it over the phone but he was unavailable. So John just did it in like 2 minutes flat. I was calling half way around the world to get this dude to help me when I've been sleeping with my own personal guru. He was really quick about it, popped the old one right out, popped the new one right in. Can I say I am totally turned on right now.

Lots to talk about--I saw 2 1/2 movies this week. I'll explain later. Thanks for reading.

How You Like Me Now?

2008-06-05T00:30:00.000-07:00

My page went out and got a new hairdo. Hope you like it because I am tired and I am going to bed to sleep on it. If you don't like it I am sure the bobby pins will start to fall out soon.

So Where's My Damn Paycheck?

2008-06-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

$117,000 a year. That's how much my mother's love is worth, according to Salary.com, a Waltham, Massachusetts-based firm that studies workplace compensation. Seems a little low to me considering how much we stay-at-home moms do, but there it is. Now I feel less guilty for taking a day off to get mani/pedis and scrapbooking events. SAHMs...what do you think about the amount?

I Have Voted. Have You?

2008-06-03T15:32:00.000-07:00

Today's election day. As usual, I've sent my ballot in weeks ago. And again, I voted the same way I do every election: Yes to cutting spending on certain initiatives and No on basically everything that AARP wants. Is it not enough that they get the 10% senior citizen discounts at restaurants and movies and we have to give up our seats to them on the bus? All the old people get all the good stuff.

This election was a small one. I believe there were only two issues on the ballot, but hey, I'm a good American...I vote no matter what. But I am waiting to see some certain things on my ballot. Like I would love to vote that old people (here comes the AARP bashing again!) should be required to take physical drivers tests to remain behind the wheel. I WISH I had the statistics of how many elderly drivers all over the country barrel through farmers' markets each year. Even without the mass vehicular manslaughter, they either drive too slowly (usually right in front of me) or their reaction time isn't what it used to be. I heard that Russell Weller's garage wall was pummeled with dents and holes from where he didn't know how to stop his car when he was parking it!

Another one would be absolutely no playing on the McDonald's playground with 1) your shoes on and 2) when you're over the height limit. Parents thrown in jail for a weekend if their kid does both.

No car soundsystems should be loud enough to blow out my eardrums when I'm simply parked next to you at a red light. And don't pretend you can't hear me...you know who you are!

No more baggy below ass-crack pants on boys. While we're at it, no more muffintop specials on girls either.

No more lazy employees at Kmart. Don't act like its such a bother to help a customer. It wasn't my fault you made a lousy career choice, just like its not your fault I made a lousy shopping choice. Its just cheap stuff. But though its not Nordstrom's, still try to feign a smile. Its cheaper than cheap. Its free.

Just the tip of the iceberg of course. Just hope you voted today. Happy Tuesday!

I think he's trying to kill me...

2008-06-01T20:49:00.000-07:00

No, not with the tongs. The food. For the last couple days we've been barbequing in our backyard. This is sort of our kick off to the Summer season. Well, I should say until the temp goes above 95 and we're forced back indoors just so we can avoid heat stroke. And I also should say that John barbeques, not me. Well, I do prepare the food--remove the silks from the corn and wash it, skin the chicken, cut the tiny red potatoes in half and fashion little tin foil packets for them to cook in. But John creates the fire and magic that is to become our dinner.

We're going retro too, breaking out the Smokey Joe and charcoals. We had a gas grill before and it just didn't taste barbequed. Not authentic. We've learned.

But now here's the problem (and you knew there was one coming.) We're trying to be healthy this year! Sure, we skinned the chicken and don't use butter on anything--haven't in months!--but still...it still seems like we're being so bad! And I mean a devious, horns on top of the head, "if I bite into another piece of corn that squirts juice into my husband's eye I will just ignite right here in a pile of brimstone ash."

Anyway, my point--and I probably don't have one this time--is that we are enjoying our backyard more and more these days. We love the weather as it is right now. Even with the freaky tornadoes we had two weeks ago, it hasn't really been all that bad. For now, life is good in the I.E. Who would have known that two kids from the beach and the OC could have such a great time right here in river city?

Fill it to the rim...

2008-05-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

I should preface this by saying I am a child of the 70s and a teenager of the 80s. My generation was inundated with more name brands--both new and improved--thoughout our formidable years than any other generation before. The nooks and crannies of my childhood were filled a Fun Size, Downy Fresh melange of colorful packaging, bouncy jingles and memorable catch phrases. I remember smiling happy blonde kids on TV demonstrating the latest toy that you just had to have. Personally, I didn't just want, I needed a Baby Alive, the new *metal* Easy Bake Oven and the newest educational robot called 2-XL. And I got them. Do I think my childhood was richer for the experience of whining until I got said toys? Yes. It taught me how to set goals and achieve them.

Now that my generation is in our thirties we are still being marketed to. In the most unsubtle ways I may add. I think it all started with Melt With You in a Burger King commercial in the late 90s. Now its even more pervasive. Its like my generation now fits the "can afford it" demographic and is being targeted commercially up the ying yang. Speaking of Target, don't even get me started about The Beatles songs being bastardized and used to sell yogurt-covered pretzels and bad Isaac Mizrahi off-the-rack potato sacks. Thanks, Jacko. And I am still reeling over the fact of hearing The The's This Is The Day in an M&M commercial. What's next?

I'll tell you what's next. They're actually bringing back old products from the 70s and 80s. Yes, the same exact items, just slightly repackaged and re-emerging onto the American market. No longer will you wish your hair still smelled of Salon Selectives. It can again. Miss Hydrox cookies? They're coming. Liked the way Underalls made your butt look under a skirt? Have no fear. And yes, you can once again fill it to the rim with the actual Brim.

Admittedly, there are some things I'd love to see again:

Grranimals. Matching and coordinating clothing, but not just for kids. For adults. And more notably, single men. Please do us all a favor and come out with a line for them. At least the marrieds have us wives telling them what makes them look retarded.

Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific Shampoo. Just once I'd like to tell that midget joke and have everyone in the room get it.

Jordache Jeans. I liked the little horse on the pockets. Plus after a few washings in hot water, it made my ass look about four sizes smaller.

And of course, and my personal favorite: The Epilady. It pulled the hair out of your legs one at a time but very quickly. It hurt like a son of a bitch but it worked. I'd just love to have one for nostalgic reasons. Okay, to threaten my husband with it, but that's only secondary. Honest!

Which products from the past would you like to see available again?

Thanks for keeping it classy, Jon Stewart

2008-05-29T16:28:00.000-07:00

I like The Daily Show with Jon Stewart as much as the next guy. Heck, probably even more because more and more polls these days report that "the next guy" is a total moron. But anyhoo...

Last night I was watching Jon Stewart with my hubby and laughing as usual. Even though the humor is leftwingist and usually happily pokes fun at the latest Republican faux pas, its intelligently written and John and I enjoy watching it for the most part. We're only fiscally conservative. The rest we can laugh at. Topic change and Stewart starts "reporting" on the release of John McCain's recent medical records.

"First, the records were made available for three hours, and could not be taken out of the room. Second, no internet or cell phones were allowed. Third, if you left the room for anything but a bathroom break, you were not allowed to return. And fourth, well, I think that's entirely reasonable [on screen: rule #4: No Masturbating]. I think that, actually, that one was necessary. I'm looking at you, Brit Hume."

Okay...taking a jab at notoriously teflon reporter Brit Hume was pretty funny. Genius, really. He goes on to make fun of the various items McCain was treated for in the last eight years. Ha ha, we're still laughing along. But this is when it got weird for me.

Stewart reaffirms his respect for the Senator, then starts in on McCain's "unremarkable buttocks," which is what a dermatologist calls an area of skin where there are no problems. Stewart goes on and on about how McCain's buttocks are indeed remarkable, shows doctored clips of McCain slapping his ass while on the show, Stewart pulls out a ginormous drawing of a pink butt--in watercolor I presume--and starts drawing freckles on it...it just went on and on.

I know some of you are snickering at the thought of this, or maybe you saw the show and thought it was pretty darn funny, but it literally made me very sad for a myriad of reasons. First, I know Jon Stewart and his writers are far better at writing The Funny than this. Second, I always considered The Daily Show to be in a more cerebral niche than the low brow humor it was at this moment. It also made me very sad to think that they were making fun of someone's medical documents who just happened to be a P.O.W. for years, who served this country and should have the genuine respect of all of us Americans...whether you end up voting for him in November or not, he's earned that respect. Period.

Maybe I wasn't in the mood for this type of base Howard Stern-type antics. I just wanted something amusing but intelligent so my brain doesn't totally go to mush talking about Spongebob to pre-schoolers all day. I thought Jon Stewart had that covered for me. I shouldn't have assumed so much. Because you know what happens when you assume...

Welcome to the Monkey House

2008-05-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

This being my first blog, I debated whether to formally introduce myself to my potential readers or just jump right in and start bitching, er, I mean, blogging about my life. I figure I could kill two birds with one stone by forgoing the niceties and getting right down to business. After all, if you just read a bit, you'll get to know me pretty well. You've been warned.

But I will tell you the basics. I'm 37 years old, I live in Southern California with my husband and two boys, ages three and one. Yes, I am the only female in my house. I am a stay-at-home-mom, whatever that means anymore, since I rarely just stay at home. And, as the title implies...I chase my family around with my camera. I am the mother of all paparazzi. I am The Mamarazzi. Behold my greatness and my 4GB SD card.

My life these days is an endless string of playdates and doctor's appointments, followed by a flurry of trips to Disneyland, Sea World and the zoo. To all of which we have annual passes. Which means the fun won't stop until 2009 or, let's be real, until we renew them all again next year. In between these all-day excursions my husband John and I manage to carve out some time for each other and try to go on "dates" occasionally. Last one we went on was last Saturday. We had an unusual eight hours alone courtesy of MIL (mother-in-law, for all you non computer savvy people) and we went to dinner, bowling and saw the latest Indiana Jones flick. We had a great time. No need for restaurant high chairs, no messy chins to wipe, we even drank a fruity martini each. We felt like we were 32 again!

But I digress. This is my life and the simian-like beings who live it with me. I adore each of my little monkeys. So this is my blog. Welcome to it.